The newly coined terms such as ‘having Some’ or ‘want to have Some’ are popular these days. ‘You are like mine although you are not mine as if you were mine. You are like my lover although you are not my lover as if you were my lover.’ From these lyrics we can glance at the identity of ‘Some’ contained in a confused relationship. ‘Some’ is an abbreviated word of ‘Something’, which kind of describes the ambiguous relationship between a man and a woman. But some youngsters also fall into the ambiguous and indefinite relationship.
    In this sense, ‘Some’ means a state of one's being fond of or interested in someone although not going out. The man and the woman who are ‘having Some’ is called as ‘Some man and Some woman.’ If the beginning of an encounter, namely, getting fond of or completing the encounter into a meaningful relationship is defined as confession or courtship, ‘Some' is somewhere between ‘getting fond of’ and ‘confession’, in other words, a passionate stage where there is a heart pounding before love starts. Our common love takes these steps: getting fond of each other, knowing each other, gradually loving each other, confessing that one wants to be together with one's lover, having a sense of responsibility for one's lover and having a commitment. However, ‘some’ does not mean that one goes forward to such steps, but rather fixates emotion with passionate excitement.
    Like the lyrics, “Don't say let's go out. Sweet words and eye contacts are exciting,” ‘Some’ is absorbed in a situation rather than a relationship. A long-term relationship does not guarantee feeling a thrill, but the thrill felt initially accompanied with intimacy, consideration, conflict, adjustment, and responsibility naturally transforms to an affection that gives comfort and stability. As ‘Some’ focuses on a subtle tense situation of thrill with someone rather than a close emotional bond, it is light to meet and be free from a sense of responsibility. So one cannot focus on one person and sometimes leads to having many opposite sexes with candidates here and there.
    Superficially, ‘Some’ represents an ambiguous love life of youngsters who are tamed by a smart phone which gives an immediate and visual change, but behind it, seems to reflect the picture of youngsters who are hurt by this society. Usually, the current younger generation is called the ‘3-abandonment generation’ because they give up romance, marriage, and childbirth. As their economic independence gets delayed socially, going out with someone in this situation that they are not economically supported is a luxury and even if they go out, it is inevitable that their relationship becomes unstable and so they can't have courage to say “let's go out.” If one says “let's go out” but the opposite refuses, one may feel shamed and hurt. So they are involved in an ego defense in which they can put their one foot in the door and withdraw at any time.
    So they start to tap on a calculator for social exchange. They invest in a new meeting not too excessively and even if the meeting collapses, use the ‘some’ strategy, one way to minimize any damages. So if one ‘has Some’ with someone and at the same time, ‘has Some’ with another, there is no need to feel sorry for the opposite. The boundary of ‘having Some’ and ‘withdrawing from such a relationship’ is very flexible and unrestricted. However, why do I feel that they look so sad to see that they avoid close relationships while focusing on the play of emotion like sparks or thrills?
    “Passion is the quickest to develop, and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still.” In the relationship of ‘having Some,’ it is full of passion, but difficult to expect a sense of intimacy or commitment. This is why such a meeting is like a sand castle that collapses easily with a breeze. Even in the relationship of ‘having Some’ where they do not want any bondage, the desire to define the ambiguous relationship conflicts with the desire not to define it. A true relationship starts from expressing what you really are and your heart can feel without being afraid that you will get hurt. It depends on you, either whether you will become an emotional consumer who pursues for passion without remaining with one person for long, or whether you will form a mature relationship accompanied with intimacy, passion, and commitment. Soul-searching is necessary to see if there sits a small child inside our mind who is afraid of getting hurt or pursues for an immediate pleasure under the guise of a new way of loving in a new generation.

By Yang Dong-ouk, Lecturer, Dept. of Psychology